My Trust, Gratitude, Inspiration Friday

I'm beginning to develop a dislike of my blog.

I feel somewhat disloyal to the blog, saying that. But honestly, today I feel like this record is living proof --or public evidence, at least-- of how stupid and disingenuous I can be. I find myself writing shit I don't mean. Or that I don't mean entirely. Or that I might mean today, but almost certainly won't mean tomorrow. Yet there it still is.

Before I began blogging, I figured that I would just write about things that I could stand by. Just don't write anything that you can't stand by. That's what I told myself. And I thought for a long time about how that might work. I tend to see both sides of an issue. A lot of my ideas and thoughts are works in progress. And, most significantly perhaps, I don't want anyone I like to dislike me. <-- that was close to honest. Truly honest: I don't want anyone to dislike me. (See how I EASE into the truth? Truth can be a lot for me to take, all at once. But I am nonetheless a fan of Truth, sad as any given Truth may be, so I am committed to ending up there. It just takes me a minute, sometimes.)

So, as I largely couldn't find any personal topic that I could write about, publish on a blog, and still feel good about, I didn't blog.

Instead of blogging, I wondered about What's wrong with me? I mean, do you READ blogs? People go into all sorts of trivial, misinformed, grammatically incorrect and personal matters, over and over again. (Not at the blogs I enjoy, but it does go on.) So the bar is low. And that's not the standard, that's just some context. Standard-wise, I wondered about What kind of a wimp do you have to be to not have any thoughts or ideas that you wouldn't mind sharing. I know I have a problem with sharing, in that sense. I create things that I'm pleased with, even proud of, but the LAST thing I would want to do is expose any of these things to the harsh light of day. So you see how incredibly courageous this site is for me. Ha ha. You probably don't see that at all, and are tired of my whining.

Moving on... Among the blogging public who I admire is Brene Brown, the writer of Ordinary Courage. ("Writer of"? "Host of"? "Writer at"? I don't know.) She does a play on TGIF that she calls Trust Gratitude Inspiration Friday. In her words:

I believe a joyful life is made up of joyful moments gracefully strung together by trust, gratitude, and inspiration.

Every Friday, I'm going to try to be deliberate and mindful about what I'm trusting, what I'm grateful for, and what's inspiring me.

How's that for good spirit! Let's be glad about more than just the end of the work week. Because what's that? It reminds me of that joke about the guy who is hitting his head against the wall, and his friend walks up and says, Hey, why are you hitting your head against a wall? And the guy says, Because it feels so good when I stop.

Tr-Gr-In-Friday is about elevating the weekend-signaling goodness that is Friday by making a point of calling out the positives. It's not just the end of the work week that's great. It's LOTS of moments and aspects of life that are great, including the ability to recognize that they're great. And I buy that with all of my heart.

So I thought, despite a crap morning, I'd give it a go here. Without further ado, here is The Preferred Daughter's first installation of Trust, Gratitude, Inspiration Friday:

I am TRUSTING that underneath this swirl of emotions today -- guilt, frustration, regret, anger, fear, resentment -- lies my true and peaceful self, and she is still me.

I am GRATEFUL for my Handsome Man, who has profound and frequent moments of grace that make me incredibly thankful to share a life and a residence with him.

I am INSPIRED by the terrific work of the author of ("writer at"? *sigh*) Ordinary Courage, who is active in the field of shame study and authenticity promotion. She would say it differently (read: better), and that's okay on Tr-Gr-In-Fr: I'm inspired by her ability to find the right words for the complicated issues she addresses. I'm inspired by her attempts to practice in her everyday life what she preaches in theory. I'm also inspired by her willingness to share that personal journey with the public. In fact, I think that's pretty badass.

And at the end of all that trust and gratitude and inspiration, I feel a little bit like giving myself a break. (This was probably Professor Brown's plan all along...) All I'm doing is trying, yeah, but I give other people credit for trying. Maybe I should get some credit. I'm trying to be authentic, all day long. I'm trying to work through my baggage. I'm trying to be a good person. I'm trying to realize some of my potential. I'm trying to have a personal blog. I'm trying, okay? I've got challenges and blind spots and spelling errors, like most people. But I put a lot of effort into my attempts to do better.

Maybe, at least on Fridays, that's all we'll ask.