Our New Neighbor

A marijuana dispensary just opened at the end of our block.

I was feeling somewhat scandalized about that fact until my friend, who lives in a much nicer neighborhood than I do, lamented about the dispensary opening up at the end of her block.

Ah, Denver.

The Post recently reported that there are more marijuana dispensaries in Denver County than there are ubiquitous-ass Starbucks coffee shops. By a factor of almost 2 to 1.

I missed this coverage, which is too bad. With some prep, I could have responded to my new neighbor with much greater cool. Instead, I felt...I felt...I think I felt my property value going down.

Don’t get me wrong - I support medical marijuana. I know people who bought weed for mothers sick with cancer or chronic joint pain before the law changed, and it’s total bullshit that they had to obtain these drugs illegally. It’s appalling to me that our nation outlaws relief for those suffering from chronic illnesses if the remedy is using marijuana. That’s ridiculous.

What about our U.S. prescription drug industry? What about the many, many men, women and children in this country who use synthetic medications? Lots of Americans devour drugs, prescription and over-the-counter. What kind of self-defeating, anti-botanical hypocrisy is it to outlaw marijuana for medical purposes?

But, at the same time... a dispensary at the end of my block?

Couldn’t we have a marijuana district, or something? You could put it by the hospitals, or by the justice center, whatever. Somewhere nice and central. And not in my backyard.

(I realize this is an illogical, if not hypocritical, position. I'm working on it.)

Of course, I’m just a chronic illness away from being over-the-moon about the convenience of the whole situation.

For the record, I’ll take my health and these fleeting spells of NIMBY-ism any day, thank you.

Welcome to the neighborhood, Mary Jane. My name is Crystal, and I'll be supporting you only in theory.